Hey, Kelly, how are you today? Welcome to the telesummit. It’s great to have you here. How are you doing?
I’m doing great, thank you.
I know you and I; we have a lot of mutual friends in common. We travel in the same circles. But we’ve never actually met in person feels like we know each other, from forever.
I know that’s the great thing about Facebook, you know, even though you don’t get to meet people, you know, all the time in person, it’s still awesome, because you still can kind of feel connected to them.
That’s right. And what I’m seeing on Facebook with you is you’re really building your own business and helping women rediscover who they are. And I just really felt compelled, I really wanted to have you part of this telesummit to share, share your knowledge and your wisdom with our listeners. So, I think I’d like to just get started. Are you okay with that? You bet. You know, and I want to thank you for having me be a part of it. Because I’m always really honored when, you know, I see people are kind of watching what I’m doing. And then they you know, invite me to be a part of these kinds of thing. Because, you know, you’re right, it is so important to get this knowledge and stuff out there so that people can you know, grow. So, thank you.
Yeah, I love it. I love it. I love helping people transform their overwhelm. It’s just amazing. So, based on that, what do you describe your personal definition of emotional chaos and overwhelm? What is your personal definition?
Well, you know, this morning, I was going over, you know, your left the questions and things that you wanted to ask me. And, you know, I always asked for my intuition or my inner guidance to help me and tell me what is what is the right thing that, you know, what’s the right message that I should share. And what instantly came to me was my divorce. And, you know, I’m going through that right now. And, you know, I lost my husband three years ago, and, and so now I’m going to, we’re finalizing everything. And so, my personal definition of overwhelm, and you know, emotional overwhelm, specifically, is when you are just so overwhelmed with emotions that you can’t even think clearly. And little issues that you know, things that would be little issues, actually healed issues, and things that you would normally be able to handle at the drop of the hat, you can’t even think clearly. And you know, all the emotion just come rushing to and you can feel it in your chest, you feel it in your heart. And, you know, you can even see through all that emotional chaos, in order to see the good in something, or to see that maybe this issue that you’re having with this person, if you really can boil it down to the core of what it is that it is actually just a small little situation. It’s not that big, emotional chaos that you really think it is. And you know, and I have to find, too, that what happens is that you’re so overwhelmed with the drama of it, that you only see the negative part of it and you don’t see the positive that could come up it really resonates with you. Pretty much what we all experienced when you’re in that emotional chaos, you just no matter what, what happens, it’s just feels like the world is completely against you. And nothing seems to work positive. And that’s where the drama comes in. Right, but negative mindset. So, what are some of the negative self-talks that you experienced? While you’re while you were, when you’re going through this emotional chaos? What some of the negative self-talk that you’re, that you’re hearing inside your head? Well, and you know, and this even happened, as you know, as soon as, like, two days ago, when I had to deal with an issue with my ex-husband, and some of the negative self-talk is that, you know, he just trying to hurt me, or he’s not, you know, all he can think about is himself or he’s not. He’s not living up to what he says that he’s going to do. And he’s just trying to make my life miserable. And he cares about me and, you know, he’s treating me like crap, you know, right, negative thoughts that are going through my head. It’s just like, he’s just being a jerk, basically, you know, caring about me and you know, when what I’m going through when he’s not seeing my side of and he only seen his sights. And you know, and there was a lot of negative self-talk that was going on. And it was, it was really harming me, it was to the point where I didn’t even want to, like, get out of bed in the morning. And I didn’t even want to get up and feed the kids. And it was like, I just wanted to sleep. And I didn’t even want to, you know, like, there was any excuse, I could get to go back to bed, you know, when I would have to work. But then it was like, you know, and it’s really hard for me, because I work from home, you know, being a speaker and a writer, I’m always well, I’m not always at home, but I’m at home, you know, a lot of times, and so it was just like, you know, that bedroom is really too close your eyes do, we should go up those stairs, and then just go lay on the bed. And there were times when I would actually convince myself that the only thing, I could do was to go back to that. And that was the thing, it was like, I can’t do anything else. And I would yawn once and it would be like, oh my gosh, I’m so tired, I can’t do anything. And you know, it would just be, you know, nice to just go back to bed. And, you know, then I would go have a nap. You know, I would where I would say it was meditating. But really I wanted to just lay down and have a nap, you know? And then of course, then all those negative thoughts just keep flowing back, you know, and re that’s all I could you know, play in my head with the drama that I was having with this issue.
Right? So, what I really hear you saying is when you’re stuck in that emotional chaos, the negative self-talk is amplified by your physical symptoms of being overwhelmed and overtired. And you just can’t even think of walking out the door with confidence. And you’re just you just want to hide. And that’s really what emotional chaos and overwhelm looks like. It’s just, it’s the combination of that negative, negative thoughts and the physical sensations of just like, why should we move forward? Let’s just sit here, let’s stay stuck. It’s safer here. And you know, it’s just safe. So, you talk about rediscovering who you are. So, what I want to know is what have you learned from this experience fuse experiences with emotional chaos? How did you get to where you are today? Well, you know, learning. Here’s, what happened is just a couple days ago, you know, when I was going through this issue with my ex-husband, I basically, you know, went and laid on the bed and I just said, okay, and my, my dad passed away about four years ago. And so, I had a conversation. And I said to myself, okay, Dad, what would you be telling me? And my dad was basically saying, I’m going to kick you in the ass? How dare you think that you can’t get through this? How dare you’re going to let this man who is actually probably having more chaos in his life than you are in yours. He feels so total out of control. And he feels like you’re actually the one in control. And yet you’re feeling like you’re not in control. And you think he’s trying to control you. But he’s not. He The reason he’s acting the way he is, is because he’s in so much pain. He doesn’t know how to act it, like how to do anything different. And he said, and it’s actually you, who is in control, even though you don’t feel it? And he says, and how dare you let that man stop you from being the strong person you are. Right? off your butt. And you go, and go ahead, go cry if you want. But he said, here’s the thing, you are in control. And you don’t need to let that man and the issues that he’s having affect you. And I also, like, one of the things we’re doing is trying to decide whether we’re selling the house or not. And in mediation, I’ve been told he’s selling the house. And that’s what he keeps telling me. And then he says, No, I’m not selling the house, and I am in chaos about it. Because I want that situation solved. I want clarity. He doesn’t want to give that to me because of the emotional chaos he’s having. But then I sat back and I thought, okay, if he doesn’t sell the house, he has to buy me out, which in that case, means I get more money. So why don’t I just let him do that?
Right. So, I, I had to step back and not be so attached to the outcome that I wanted, because the additional outcome that I could get might be an even better outcome.
Right? And when you went to lay down and just sort of reflect on everything and just be still, you heard the voice of your dad, which is knowledge and wisdom, however, that could also be considered your intuitive voice, your inner voice, allowing you to stay still long enough to go you know what, I’m making all of this up. I’m allowing myself to see the innocence in someone else. And just allow the grace to flow in and just be grateful for Everything that’s happening so that we can move through the overwhelm. Right? And I’d be fair to say, it’s absolutely great to say and one of the things I want to add to what you’re saying is that, for me, it was, there’s that delicate balance as to when do you when you’re going through a divorce? When do you be gentle on yourself? And, you know, and just allow yourself, you know, that time to be, you know, be weak? And when do you step up to the plate? And, you know, give yourself that kick in the ass? And make yourself do what you’re supposed to do? And not really, that was what was challenging me? Do I allow myself to just be gentle and go have naps every day? Right? And just spend time, you know, day after day doing nothing and finding excuses why I can’t get myself, you know, get my stuff done? Do I do that? Or do I do like what my dad did and kick me in the ass and say no, get off your damn ass and go and do what you need to do.
Right? So how do you? How do you accept that? And what do you do? Like, how do you move through that?
Well, at that point I had, I just had to accept that. That’s what I needed at the time. I’m, I’m one of these people that a lot of times I need that. Right? Some people don’t need that, you know, some people really need to be, you know, gentle and easy on themselves. And, and I believe that at that time, I was being gentle. But then there was a point where like, this is just crazy. Like, how dare you do this? And you know, and I was in tears when I had this conversation with my dad, because it was like, How can you do this, you have kids who love and support you and would want if you entered your life, your kids would be affected for the rest of their lives. They, they would be devastated, they would take the blame, they would be missing out. And they would be so heartbroken. If I wasn’t there. And that was what got me through it. It was like, Are you going to, you’re going to you’re going to deprive your children of the happiness of having you in their lives.
So is that the leap of faith that you took to end the marriage and quit your job to become the new you know that that leap of faith was something that I did three years? Well, three years ago. So can you tell us about that? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because that’s one of my favorite leads to phase two. But what happened was, you know, when I met my husband, when I was like, 19 years old, and you know, because I got burnt, when I was two years old, I, I was considered the ugly Scarface girl. So, I never felt beautiful, and I never felt loved. And I never felt like I was ever going to have a husband or a kid or anything. I never felt I would have that love or happiness. And, you know, I met my, you know, my man who became my husband when I was 19. And, you know, when we were like, instantly we were together. And, you know, we spent 24 years together. And, you know, my whole adult life was with him. And I still remember, this was our 40th anniversary, but we were actually together for 10 years before we got married. Got, yeah, before we got married, we were together for 24 years. And I remember our anniversary. And I remember, you know, being intimate with Him, and then you know, going into the bathroom and crying my eyes out. And I said to myself, you’ve done 24 years like this. And you’re only 44 years old. Can you do another 24 years? And I said, no, I can’t do it. And I said, That’s it. And that was when I thought that’s it. I can’t do this. I cannot live this way anymore. This is just not fair to me. Yes, I know, I’ve got kids. And yes, I know, it’s not good to, you know, disrupt the marriage and make the kids unhappy, but how, how upset and how unhappy do I have to get before I just make that leap of faith? And my marriage, and something that’s not working for me? You know, I mean, it was to the point where, you know, my, my daughter would be laying on the couch with him, and he’d be coming with her. And you know, and she’d go to bed and then I would come and sit on his lap. And he would say to me, what are you doing here? Get away? And I’d be like, are you kidding me? Where am I supposed to go? You’re my husband, I’m your wife. This Who am I supposed to go to for this kind of love and affection. And I left and I vowed that night that I was never, I was never going to be without you know, I was going to find a way to end my marriage. I was like, if I can’t be that way with my husband. Are you kidding me? And the next day, he apologized for what he had done. But still it stuck with me, right like words hurt. So I decided that you know, at that point too, that I wanted to be a speaker, and I realized that my passion truly was to be A speaker. And you know, and I still remember coming down into the kitchen. And I said to him, I said, I want to be a speaker. And he said, How are you going to do it? And I said, I don’t know. But it’s going to happen. And he said, okay, and all of a sudden, everything came into an alignment. And he got laid off from his job, and I ended up going to work full time. And I also had a Scott booking dinners at the time that I was doing part time and, and I wanted to be a speaker, and I ended up selling that business and, and then all of a sudden, everything was just like, lining up, and I was getting seeking jobs like crazy. And I wrote my first book. And, and, you know, I was at the point where I wanted to quit my job, but I didn’t think I could, and, you know, I knew I was kind of at that tipping point. And then, you know, then what happened was, I just realized that, you know, I, I could finally visualize my marriage ending. Like, in the beginning, I could not visualize it, I could not see myself walking out the door. But in the end, it was like, I have to do this, this, this is not working for me. And I was finally able to shift and I was able to actually see myself walk out. And what had happened was at Christmas time, my aunt came to me and she says, Kelly, what’s going on? I know, something’s up. And I told her what was going on with my marriage. And, you know, when I wasn’t being very baseball, and he wasn’t, and we, you know, we were just both just basically being, you know, disrespectful to both of us. I didn’t know it at the time that he was. And I just said, it’s just not working. And you know, and he wasn’t working much and, and I was working a job, I was doing my business, I wanted to be a speaker, I had finished my book, and I was working on my second book. And she goes, Kelly, if you need a place to stay, you know where to go. You’re more than welcome to stay here. And I was like, Oh, my God, the universe is really lining this up for me. And, like, Wow, I love that. Cuz that really nails the emotional awakening aspect of this whole telesummit is, we’ve been going through life for so long. We’re just doing the things going through what we think we need to do. And then one day, it’s just like, something happens with you. It was what he said on the coach. With me, it was another situation and all centers just like, I can’t do this anymore, I cannot do this anymore. And that is that is the moment of emotional awakening. Right? And that’s, that’s when you just, everything just sort of goes hmm, yeah.
And I find myself when I said that I wanted to leave my marriage. I said, how can I do it? How can I leave. And then my aunt says to me, you’ve got a place to live. And sure enough, a couple months later, I found her, I said, I need a place to live. She goes great. Come on over. And I went and I stayed with her. And then what happened is, I still had my full-time job at that time, too. And then the next thing that happened was six months later, I had gotten a new job, a new boss, and I didn’t we weren’t getting along. And we were having a really hard time working together. And I was making all kinds of mistakes, and then all of a sudden, it was time for performance review. And she didn’t give me a good one, of course. And my boss says to me, not her but you know, the VP of the company says to me, Kelly, she says you need to make a decision, said, Are you going to be excited to have a job to come to on Monday? Are you going to be relieved that you don’t have a job to come to? And it was like, Oh my gosh, and she hit you know, she wants you when she hit me with that thought. I knew instantly. And I emailed her the next day. And I said you know what, you’re right. I said, today’s my last day. And I said, she said I’m so happy for you. She says you are so brave. And I had no idea where my next paycheck was going to come. But I had already been speaking for six months. So, I already had stuff lined up, I knew stuff was going to come. But I knew that I had to take that leap of faith because I knew that if I stayed in those four walls any longer, I was already crying every day, I was already going into my work, I was closing the door and crying. I thought I can’t do this anymore. I need to be out speaking and sharing my story and writing books and, and all this other stuff. And what happened was, I you know, ended up becoming a bestselling author. And you know, I won the fierce Woman of the Year and I won the Woman of Distinction last year and I got a medal from the queen. And you know, I became another Best Selling Author and you know, and all these incredible things happened because I took that leap of faith and realized that I couldn’t be in that office anymore. I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew that my spirit was telling me you know that is not your purpose. Your purpose is to be sharing your story and helping women to love them their bodies and rediscover who they are. And so this is why I’m so excited about being a part of your talent Summit is because women need to learn how to take that leap of faith.
Right? And, you know, I just, I just want to go back because this really fits perfectly into where we’re going is, when you said something, how can I leave? Rather than saying, why is this happening to me? So, in that moment, you went from why to how you went from the world as against me to how can I make my life better? And that, that is so powerful, and you start to focus on the house, rather than the why?
Well, in here temporarily, no. And one of my questions, I said, Am I questions you know, that you that you asked me to submit was, how do you take the tea out of cat, which kind of leads into that, and I’m going to go into that a little bit. A lot of times, what happens is, even when I was married, I kept saying to myself, I can’t leave my marriage. I kept saying that for a long time. And that’s why it took me two years to walk out the door. I kept saying, I can’t do it, I can’t do it. I can’t do it, because I couldn’t visualize it. But when I sit did and I started to say to myself, how can I leave my marriage? All of a sudden, that was when the answers started to come. Because when you tell yourself, you can’t do something, your brain goes, yep, you’re right. You can’t do it. How the heck can you do that? And it doesn’t even think of any options as to why or how you can do it. But when you go in, you shift it and you say, You know what, how can I leave my marriage? All of a sudden, your brain goes, hmm, I don’t know, why don’t we think about that for a minute here. And all of a sudden, it’s like, okay, and you know, and then you start coming up with all these answers, like my aunt who says, Kelly, you can come live with me, you know? And all of a sudden, it was like, Oh, my gosh, that was my answer. Right? My answer when I said, How can I leave my marriage? And when my aunt said to me, Kelly, you got a place to come and live? There it was, yeah. And I tell people in order to take the key out of the camped and say that I can’t do it, you got to say, how can I do it?
Right? Are there some have you come up with some guidelines or steps or ways that people can really start practicing how to check the Tod accounts? Do I have more guidelines? Yeah. Do you have something that people could refer to? About how to do that? Yeah, actually, I actually have an e book about it on how to take the tea out of count. And as far as I know, that’s one of the bonuses that I’m giving, isn’t it or when it is. Right now, my PDF version of the book, right on how to take the tea out of Kent, you know, and it’s interesting when you read it, and you apply it to your life, and you think about some of the examples of how you overcome something, and you’ll start to realize how easy it really is. And, you know, even when there’s things in my life when I think, you know, people ask me if they if I want to be a part of an organization or something, or if they want me to do something, and, and even if I don’t know how to do it, I’ll just say, you know, instead of saying, Well, I can’t do that. Like, for example, here’s what’s happening. I went to Africa in September, and you know, a doctor came up to me, and you know, because I was speaking to a bunch of burn survivors, and he said, you know, he says, Kelly, he said, I feel really bad. We had to amputate this boy’s hands. He had no hands at all. Is there any way you can help them get hands? Now? What is your first reaction? I can’t do that. Right. Like a lot of people. That’s the first thing they say, I can’t do that. How am I supposed to get somebody’s hands? Well, I said, well, there must be a way. I don’t know how but sure. I’ll help you find some hands. Well, guess what happened? When I said how I came home from Africa. And a couple of weeks later. Now, this is really tragic. What happened. But there is a tragic blessing in that my friend committed suicide and she only had one arm. So my friend’s arm, her prosthetic arm, I got it from her husband, and it’s going to go to my friend and Africa. If I would have said, I can’t do that, you know, how am I supposed to help somebody get hands? I never would have been able to help the guy. But because I did it. And I said to myself, How can I help this guy get hands? This world is full of abundance, there has to be an answer. You know, and most people would think, well, you can’t so hands back on. And you’re right. You can’t go hand back on, but you can get to prosthetic arms. And you know, I mean, how many millions of people have prosthetic arms in this world that they aren’t using. So all of a sudden, this is what happened and then I go to Texas last month, and I’m speaking there, and there’s another burn survivor there who’s missing the left arm. He now sending me his old left pathetic arm. He’s sending it to me so that I can give it to him also. So now I’ve got to arm for this guy.
I love that. That is so awesome.
Absolutely love that, although it’s really, how can I do it?
Right? And that’s, and that’s really allowing the grace and the ease to come into your life, right. So, I say you can transform your overwhelm with grace, gratitude and tenacity. So really what you’re talking about is when you ask how that’s allowing things to flow gracefully into your life, and really just what comes into your life. And that’s, that’s for me, that’s my grace and gratitude are so important, because the grace and gratitude allow you to really ask the how, like, they’re the they’re the kind of the cheerleaders behind the house.
And you’re not going to know every answer. And this is, this is the difference between me and my ex-husband, he won’t get involved in something unless he knows to how to every single step. You don’t matter. You don’t have to know the house, everything, you just need to know how to start it. And once you started, the answers will flow. I had no idea that oh, yeah, prosthetic arms, I wasn’t thinking of prosthetic arms, when the guy said to me, I need to find hands for this guy. Right? Like you don’t know all the answers. But when you’re in alignment with what you’re supposed to do, everything is going to come to you. Like I didn’t know how to be a speaker, I didn’t know how to be a bestselling author. I had no clue how to become a bestselling author. But I didn’t know enough that I could get it started. And I could ask people who know how to do it, who would then help me. And that view is that people stop themselves. And they think I can’t do that. So, they don’t even give themselves an opportunity to do it.
And they just stay stuck in that emotional chaos that we talked about at the very beginning of our of our conversation, they just rather stay stuck than try to do anything back then. Yeah, I love it. I love that back in their marriages, they stuck in marriages that they absolutely hated those loveless marriages, because they think there’s no other option for them. And they think that they can’t do it, because they’re worried about what everybody else is going to think of them. But when they sit, and they start thinking, okay, how can I do it? I mean, don’t expect that you’re going to have all the answers when you make when you make that question. I mean, and you know, and if you’re big into the secret, you know, and you’re big into the law of attraction, of course, they say ignore the how, but I’m not saying that you need to know how I’m just saying you need to ask how.
Just have the willingness to ask your doc, yes, just have to have the willingness, cow, right? Love that. And then be open to all of the possibilities that come to us and that are within us, right. And really just allow that allow the universe allow God, whatever your belief system is to provide and be willing to do some of the work to get there. So someone asked, Hey, do you want to move in with me? It’s like, okay, I can do this. I can pack up my boxes, I can let the kids know that I’m going to be moving, that we’re going to be moving. And we’re going to work together to make this happen. Right. Yeah, exactly. I love it. So, I want to kind of go back a little bit, because your story is incredible. But I really want to sort of find out how did you learn to accept your imperfect body? Because you did mention that you were burned at the age of two, and yet, you were called the ugly scar faced girl. And so, through the course of your life, how did you learn to accept your imperfect body?
Well, here’s the thing that happened with that is, this is what I call my garage sale story. And what happened is okay, when I got burnt, when I was two years old, I had to be in the hospital for three months solid. And every second day, it was in the operating room. And then every second year until I was 21 years old, I had to go for more surgeries. And, you know, every second year, I was 21. Yeah. So, and I would be in the hospital for a month. Because they needed me to grow. And as I grew, then I would have more skin to work with, right, so they could do more skin grafts and whatever else they needed to do. So, here’s the thing. I when I was married, we went to a garage sale. And this lady says to me, they couldn’t do better than that. And I was stalked. And I was like, oh my god, I have been called ugly and yours. And I was like, so devastated. I was so upset, and I didn’t know what to say. And I looked down and I thought, What am I going to say, you know, and there was a time when I handled things really rudely. And I, you know, and I thought no, I can’t be that way. I’m not like that anymore. And you know, but she doesn’t deserve nice Kelly because she really did hurt my feelings. And I turned around and I said to her, you know what? I happen to think that pretty damn good. And I turned around and I walked out. And I didn’t even give her a chance to say anything. And I was hurt. I was like, Oh my gosh. And then I thought, you know what, I knew what he meant. He meant how come in today’s world and today’s medical advances. How come they weren’t able to do some magic surgery on you? and take all your scars away and make you beautiful. And I knew that’s what she meant. But she hurt me so bad. I was like, Oh my gosh. And I thought, you know what? Why am I letting this woman take my power away? Why am I letting her who I will never ever see again? Because if I do, I just might Decker, you know? Then I thought, why am I letting her take my power away, I don’t even notice lady, I’ll never see her again. She doesn’t know I got burnt. When I was two, she doesn’t know about all the surgeries I had, she doesn’t know that my arm was joined to my body. She doesn’t know that, you know, I’ve had surgeries. And I’ve had like, you know, skin, my skin on my leg was you six times over? He doesn’t know that, you know, my chin was my mouth was that there was a scar that pulled my lip down. And they and I couldn’t even open or close my mouth. And I couldn’t smile. It couldn’t nothing. And you know, when they took skin from my tummy, and they put it on my chin so I can actually move my mouth and smile. She had no clue. And I thought the people who count in my world, you know, like my kids and my mom and my, my sister and my family. They’ve never ever said to me Kelly, we would love you more if you were scarred us. Not once. And yet I was willing to let a complete stranger take my power away. And I thought that’s not fair. It’s not fair to me. I got all the people who count in my world who loved me to death. And they would be devastated if I didn’t really you know, if I thought of myself as being ugly. And that was one of my turning points.
Yeah. So how did you learn like So Friday during? So, you How did you do it? So, here’s what I did. So, this is what I did.
What I did is I was reading a blog post from a girl named Danielle Laporte and she says to me, you need to give yourself permission to do and there were like 30 things that you have to give yourself permission to do. And one of the things was that you need to give yourself permission to love yourself. And so I went in the mirror, and I said, That’s it. I said, I am not going to let anybody take my power away from me anymore. I am not going to let somebody else’s opinion, or the media’s opinion, or anybody else, make me feel ugly. And I went in the mirror. And I said, You know what, I’m going to give myself permission to love my little part. And I looked and I said, you know what, I love my big, beautiful green eyes. Everybody tells me I have big beautiful green eyes; I love them. I looked at my cute little nose. And I said, you know what, I love my cute little nose. I looked at my ear and one of my ears is pretty deformed. And if you know, some people might think it’s pretty ugly. And at one time, I wanted to get a new ear mate. And I thought No way. Why should I just so somebody else can look at me and think I’m beautiful. Are you kidding me, it’s not going to make me feel beautiful. And I looked at my ear and I thought you know what I love my cute little ear. It makes me unique; it makes me special. It makes me it makes me feel different. I love it. And I could not live my life without my little ear. And then I you know, I put on my favorite jeans and my favorite top and, and I you know, turned around and looked at the mirror again. And I said you know what, you do have a cute hot AF. And I said I had a cute little love story that goes with it. But I you know, don’t have any time to tell you that story. And if people want to, you know, get involved in my programs or anything, then don’t get to know more about that story. But you know, but it was all about when I started to look in the mirror. And I started to see the things that I loved about myself that my scars faded into the background. And then when I would go back into the mirror, I would start seeing the stuff I loved about me instead of the stuff I hated about me. I’m not going to do that.
And I think what we can do right now is ask some of the listeners to type in what they love about themselves and just sort of engage and figure out, start tapping into what do you love about yourself. So, if you guys want to go along, the ones that are listening on the webinar, you can type in your, your what you love about yourself, we’d love to see some of those things. Excellent. Thank you for Kelly that that one thing in itself is so huge permission to love myself and all the little parts. I love it.
Oh, that’s awesome. Well, and it truly is what it is. You know, I mean, there’s, there’s times when I look in the mirror, you know, and I look at the scars on my chest and I’m like that, you know, it’s they’re not that pretty. They are ugly, you know, and I look at my back and I see some of the scars there and I look at my arms and you know, and yeah, there’s some ugly scars on there, but it doesn’t make me who I am. It doesn’t make me ugly. It makes me a beautiful person. And you know what I believe is my dad Have you is that? You know, so many times, you know, people talk about value, and they talk about self-worth. And you know, and people think that, you know, if they’re only making $10 an hour, that’s all they’re worth, you know, if you’re only making $15 an hour, that’s all they’re worth, or they’re only making, you know, $50 an hour. That’s all they’re worth. But what they realize is that there’s so much more to value than what you make or what you don’t make. Right? And so then what does what make a person valuable? If it’s not money? What makes a person valuable?
Well, I’ll tell you what, I mean, just the story of me, man have arms. Yeah, that makes me feel valuable. Like, yeah, okay, I’m not making the money that I want to make. But still What the What warms my heart is knowing that I met a man in Africa, not even having a clue when I got to Africa, that I would be meeting a man with no hands and that I would be helping him get hands, I had no clue that that’s what me was going to be something that I would stumble across. And knowing that when he comes to Canada, we’re going to get them fitted for these arms and knees, hands, and he’s going to be able to go back to Africa. And he’s now going to be able to have a normal life. And he’s not going to have to have a full-time nurse anymore. And he’s going to feel productive. And he’s going to feel amazing that he met this white woman in Canada, from Canada, who was willing to not give hope, gave up hope on him. His life, He felt like he had no hope he’s 34 years old, and he thought the rest of his life, he’s going to have to have a nurse to wipe his butt, to feed them to clothe him to do whatever it is he wants in his life. And he has no money, so you don’t even know how he’s going to be able to afford a nurse. And so that warms my heart, knowing that this little incident is turned into something so huge. And, you know, and my friend’s suicide, I mean, my friend knows that her prosthetic arm, you know, even though it was tragic that she died, you know, the tragic blessing is that her arm is going all the way to Africa to some guy who felt that his world was over, because he had no hands. That’s where your value is, the value isn’t in your money, but how much you make, or you don’t make your value is in what do you do to serve others, like, you know, carry on even what you’re doing. This is your value, you know, who knows how much money you’re going to make on this teleseminar, you might make tons and tons and tons of money. And you might not make anything, but the value and having all these speakers who are going to be sharing their method is going to go out to 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of people, and that’s going to set 1000s and 1000s of people to be, you know, have this emotional awakening. That’s your value. And when you see the domino effect of all that, then it’s like, oh, my gosh, look what I created. How amazing is that?
It’s so true. Yeah, I definitely just want to share with everyone all the awesome insights that everyone has, and stories like what you’re just sharing, it’s just incredible. So thank you so much for that. I also kind of want to ask you, then how do you? And we’re going to kind of shift gears here just a little bit. Because when you talked about the woman who said, those neg, those hurtful things to how can you overcome the harmful opinions of others? How can our listeners overcome those harmful opinions when they’re hitting so hard and so close to the heart? And just getting them tail spinning back into that emotional chaos? How can they overcome that?
How can they overcome that? Well, that is what I call my tune in and tune out factor. So, here’s what I mean. And that sounds kind of weird, like, what are you? What are you talking about, we have a choice as to who we want to tune into and who we want to tune out. So, a real simple example of that is this. When I was deciding that I wanted to, you know, become, you know, a speaker, I talked to my ex-husband about it. Well, you know, while we were married, and he said to me, well, you can’t do that. Who are you to think you’re a speaker, you’re not like Anthony Robbins, and speakers make no money, like, how are you? Like, what kind of story are you going to tell you don’t even have a story? Like how could you become a speaker and get on stage and you know, you’re not going to make any money because nobody’s going to want to listen to you. Right? Okay, that was a theater ad. Well, then I went and I talked to my mentor, who’s Jack Lew belt, who makes $20,000 an hour to speak. And I told him about, you know, the time I got on stage and I was just vibrating and I loved it so much, and it was so awesome to be able to share and all these people came up to me and, and told me about their stories. And, you know, when I left all, I could think about when do I get to speak Max? Like, I can’t wait to do this again. Like, can I do this tomorrow? You know, like, I just loved it. And he says to me, Kelly, that is that is your passion. That’s your core desire. That’s what You’re supposed to be doing. And he said, you might not have all the answers right now. But it’s going to come to you, you just need to do it. It’s like, okay, so here’s the thing, what if I would have tuned in to my ex-husband, and I would have said, I can’t do that. Wouldn’t I, in fact, I become a bestselling author four times, I’m actually an international bestselling author, I never would have got a medal from New Orleans, I never would have organized this conference for all these teenagers that allowed me to get a medal for the queen, I never would have been to Africa twice, I never would have been able to help this man with no hands get hands, I never would have been able to travel the world. I never, you know, and speaking and sharing my story all over the world, I never would have had, you know, teenagers come up to me and say, Kelly, thank you for telling me your story. I was actually going to go commit suicide. But now I feel like I can live. You know, I my book is being used in Africa to teach, you know, girls in the slums, how to have great self-esteem. None of that would have happened. If I would have said, If I would have tuned in on what my husband told me. But instead, I tuned in to what my mentor taught me. And because my mentor told me, Kelly, you need to be a speaker. And I listened and I and I felt the vibration. And I listened to my intuition. And I realized how all these things were starting to fall into place. And I was getting more speaking events. And, and people were like, yes, we need you, you know, and everything was falling into place. And it was like, that was when I knew that I was doing the right thing. And so, I was so glad that I did that. So, you can apply that to your own life. Think of different situations in your life. You know, yeah. Okay, that lady that told me, you know, told me that, sure, it would have been very easy for me to tune into that and idea to an end to it. But then eventually, I learned that I had to tune out. Here’s another story. This is a this one just happened to me about seven or eight months ago. And you know, now that I’m single and everything, and I went out on the dating sites, and you know, trying to find guys to go out with and maybe meet my, you know, my next soulmate, whatever. So anyways, you know, I ended up texting this guy, and he says to me, do you like to be kissed? And I’m like, okay, what is he really asking? Right? So, then he says, do you like to be kissed all night? And I like how, okay, now I get it. Now I know what he wants. And then I said, Yeah, I do. But I kind of like to get to know the guy a few times before I decide to do that. And he says to me, you text me. And he says, you know, you know, beauty queen, right? And I was like, what? Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe he said that. And I read it again and says, you know, you know, beauty queen, right? And so, he really did say that. And I read it a third time. And I thought, oh my gosh, what am I going to say, now would have been really, really easy for me to just like, lambaste him with a bunch of profanity, right? And just like, go right off the top on him. And I just thought, why this is what he wants. He wants a face. So, I said to him, You know what, you’re right. I am no beauty queen in your eyes. I said, but I am beautiful in my own eyes. And that’s all that matters to me. Click, you know, and we had a couple more taxes after that. But here’s what happened, it would have been very easy for me to tune in to that and really get upset and really get my heart broken. But you know what, here’s what happened. I knew just like the garage sale lady. He doesn’t count in my world. I don’t know who this guy is. So why am I giving him my power. But what happened is, not long after that, I got a text message from a man who is special in my heart. And He said to me, hey, cow, has anybody told you today how special you are? And I was like, oh, how sweet is that? They and that was what I tuned into, I tuned into how great my heart felt by listening to that text message. And I kept that text message. And I kept, you know, looking anytime I wanted to, you know, get mad at this guy, like I deleted his text message because it would have been very easy for me to keep, you know, replaying that over and over and over in my head. Right. And that’s a typical thing. When we get upset, we have emotional chaos. We want to replay those situations over and over and over. And I thought I have to delete that so that I can’t replay that situation over in my in my head. I mean, I share this story because it’s an empowering story to help women. So, I share when I speak. But what I really tuned into was my friend who says pal, you know, you’re so special to me. And that was how I got out of it.
Yeah. And I think that’s really being grateful for the people that are in your practicing the art of gratitude, right? Allowing yourself to be grateful for those in your love life that do support and serve you and care for you unconditionally on the positive rather than the negative messages, right? If that’s my positives and be grateful for them, like truly feel that gratitude. Exactly You said, so when you said it touched your heart and it made you feel good, can you tell our listeners that physical sensation that makes them that makes you feel good, so that when they start to practice this, they can kind of become aware of what new feelings or what they should be, they could be tapping into or experiencing in their own in their own body sensations?
Well, you know, the first thing is, because when I got that text message, I easily could have just said, you know, I don’t even want to listen to this. Right, you know, I mean, I, I could have just dismissed my friend, you know, beautiful text message, I easily cut out, you know, and just played over that drama that was going on in my head, you know, with this other guy. And I just thought, you know, I was feeling the tightness in my chest. And I was feeling my face was red, and I was feeling the anger. And I was feeling that, you know, that it was just not right, you know, and I was feeling that it was hurting me. But then when I got to set a text message, I was like, Okay, I know what’s happening. The universe is given me this little gift, they helped me realize that I have more important people who are in my life than unimportant people. And I allowed myself to feel it, and I allowed myself to smile, you know, and go off, like, I physically, you know, I actually opened my mouth and let the words come out of my mouth, you know, and I said, Ah, how sweet. You know, like, how sweet that like I am right now. Yeah, and I did, and I just said, Ah, that’s so sweet. And it was so nice that someone else is paying attention to me, and, you know, in a positive way. And then when I allowed that, to the anger to go away, all of a sudden, it was just like, you know, my heart just felt so warm, it just felt, you know, like, it was vibrating. And it was just, you know, I, sometimes the physical part is hard to explain. But, you know, another thing that I do, especially just before I’m going to go speak, but if I’m having a really rough time, I know that there’s certain songs that I can play, that it doesn’t matter how mad I am, if I play those songs, they, they, they make me sad, they physically make me shift emotionally, you know, spiritually, everything and, and I know that when I play those certain songs, and I have my YouTube channel, and if I know that I need energy, or I need power, I go and I listened to those songs. And even if I have to do it, like five times, I will do it. And they make me get up and they make me dance. They make me sing. They, they, they really do Shift me. Right.
So, what is one of those songs? I just am curious. I want to know, because I have my own songs that I that I use to pick me up and keep me motivated. And in that happy space. What’s funny, yours?
Well, some of them is like Mariana Trench, you know, there’s one. I can’t even remember the title of it. You know, I can’t even remember but there’s one really high energy one that really, you know, gets me going. Another one marooned by not a payphone one. But there’s another one Oh, move like gag or something like that. And it’s not about the words. It’s just about the energy of the song because I’m half deaf. So, I don’t hear I don’t hear 90% of the words when people are singing I’m I just hear the music.
So, if unless I just hear his music, I love that. That could be almost like, a way that people could tap into it too, though. That good feeling, right? When they start to hear this, when they start repeating that song over and over and over their head, like, oh, wait, I’m actually in a happy spot. I’m not thinking about anything else. I’ve just got this one song that went over in my head. And I know I think that’s, that’s really important for us to share with everyone that’s learning how to transform their overwhelm. When they’re realizing they’re in those emotional awakening states. You find yourself thinking about a song you stone for yourself sort of bopping along to the music that’s playing in the background. You’re transforming. You’re overwhelmed, right in that moment, because you’re not thinking about anything else. You’re enjoying the present moment; you’re enjoying what’s happening. Now.
There’s another song really does that really works for me too. And I noticed, you know, quite a few years ago, I was noticing that every time I had an obstacle placed in front of me, this one song came on, and it was it was Chimamanda tub thumping. And I loved it. I know it goes I get knocked down but I get up again. You’re never going to keep me down. I get knocked down but I get up again you never going to keep me down. And it was weird because when in that song, he says that 11 times and I couldn’t figure out how Um, because this was before it was really spiritual. And it was like, how come this song keeps playing every time? I’m in, you know, a situation that I need to deal with, or I feel like I’m being knocked down. And then that was when I realized, because it’s, you know, it’s the universe’s way of giving me what I need to help me move forward in my life. Yeah.
And can I can I share one of my personal stories with that, too? I love this. So, as I’ve been going through rebranding, my own business and tenacious living, I’ve been doing a lot of brainstorming with my best friend. And there’s, you know, that songs roughshod by Macklemore. I know. And by itself, it’s not a good song, but are, you know, it’s fun, it’s catchy. Everyone likes it. But it’s those words, when we decide to make when I make an executive decision on something, all of a sudden, that song comes on and radio and it says, Your effing awesome. And all of that. I’m like, yes, I am. I love it.
Yeah, and even angels, that is one of the things that the angel books will say is that a lot of times, we don’t pay attention to the sign that we’re getting, because we don’t know that they are or that we don’t want to. But you know, I mean, I know even like some of the songs by Bruno Mars, you know, you don’t know you’re beautiful, right. And I mean, those songs would come on, and you know, and it was like, I would love those songs, because those are the songs that I need to hear, to help me feel beautiful, you know, and that, reminded that you’re beautiful, you can get back a cup of gain that you’re awesome, you know, you can do this. Another song that comes on for me, and it was on my Ironman playlist was the truth will set you free by Corey Hart. So, it was like, just keep doing what you’re doing, keep moving through, you’re beautiful, just the way you are, the truth will set you free or won’t shatter if you say what you feel. So that it’s those I really want. Yeah, the listeners, start paying attention to the music that you’re hearing in those moments and really allow yourself to accept the messages and the support. I love it. Thank you so much for bringing that up. That’s amazing.
So, I You’re very welcome. And you know, and that’s the whole thing, a lot of times people think that it just, you know, thoughts that are going on in your head. But you know, I mean, I know sometimes when I’m being a rebel, and you know, especially going through this divorce, you know, there’s times when I think I don’t, I just don’t want to feel anything, right, I’m just feeling so Bla. And I know that a lot of times it’s the music. And I know that it’s you know, these, the songs that are playing are not working for me, and they’re making me feel blah. And I know that all I need to do is go on to my YouTube channel and listen to, you know, a couple of these songs, and I would be shifted out. And then I was like, I just don’t feel like it. You know? And I don’t want to even though I know that it works. But then there’s other times when it’s like no, if I if you know that that’s what works, I can do it, you know, so that you can get out of that get out of that negative head drama that you’re having, you know where that chaos, get out of it, because it’s not going to serve you. And that the reason that all these people are getting rich is because they know what doesn’t serve them. They tuned out on the stuff that doesn’t serve them and they tune in on to the stuff that does serve them. And that’s exactly what this emotional chaos. I mean, I could you know, even when the situation that I did have and with my ex-husband, I spent a day wallowing in pity about it. Well, what a waste of a day, when I could have used a shifted out of it, and then go and you know, be my happy self that was you know, creating miracles.
You know. We’ve talked about so much today, Kelly, I’m just over the moon with this interview and everything you shared with me and the listeners and there’s just so much value to this call. I want to ask you, before we move on to your gifts and description of everything that you’re offering our listeners, through the telephone, I want to find out what is the most valuable thing you’ve learned in your life. And the one thing our listeners can take away with them today.
The one valuable thing I’ve learned in life.
Yeah, and the one thing our listeners can take away with them today. Of all the things that we’ve talked about what’s the most valuable thing that you’ve either talked about? Or that you’ve just learned over here and type because you have an incredible story? What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned? Wow.
Okay. What is the most powerful thing that I learned is that it’s all about the thoughts that are in our head. And it’s our thoughts that allow us to move forward, or they hold us and we have a choice of whether we want to listen to the positive thoughts or we want to listen to the negative thoughts, just like I have a choice, or you have a choice to look in the mirror, and you can see yourself as being the ugly girl. Or you can see yourself as being the beautiful girl. And it’s up to you whether you want to listen to the negative chatter that’s going on in your head. You know, I mean, seriously, I mean, if I look in the mirror, like some people say, you know, they think that you’re bragging, you know, if you say something great about yourself, but I don’t consider it that I consider it that I’m embracing it. I’m embracing what’s good about me, and what’s great about me what I love about me, and a lot of times people don’t want to do that. They don’t want to embrace how good they are. So, my last words are to you, like, quit worrying about what other people think of you. I mean, that’s the biggest thing. You know, people are so concerned. In fact, I had a lady email me today, in fact, just an hour before, you know, our, our interview. And she said to me, Kelly, I’m going on a cruise in two weeks, I’m short and fat. And I want to wear a bathing suit. But you know, my head is telling me that I don’t deserve to wear a bathing suit. And like, are you kidding me? If it if you want to wear a bathing suit, go wear a bathing suit, who cares about what everybody else is going to think of you if none of their business and if none of your business what they’re thinking of you. And if all you can do is think about what somebody else is thinking of you. You’re never going to walk out that door and confidence. Seriously, I know that there’s tons of people out there that don’t think that I’m beautiful, and that I shouldn’t, you know, get to walk out the door that way I do. But there’s tons of people who do think I’m beautiful. But it’s because I’m choosing to feel beautiful. I’m not going to let myself be compared to other people. I know that there’s more beautiful people out there that you know, women that are more beautiful than I am. But you know what, there’s a lot of really beautiful women out there that think they’re ugly. You know, and then there’s me, people could look at me and go, Oh my gosh, she’s an ugly woman. But you know what their opinion doesn’t count in my world. I said the only opinion that counts in my world is the people, you know, is myself and the people who are near and dear to me, I don’t care if someone thinks I’m ugly or not. So, you need to stop allowing other people what you think other people are thinking to stop that from a doctor stopping you from achieving what you want to achieve.
I love that. And you just love that. So, to wrap up, you have a gift for everyone. Right? Can you tell me more about that? Tell us tell us more about your free gift for everyone that’s listening?
Well, my free gift is my webinar. Right? My webinar? That’s what we decided on. Right?
That’s really decided on? Yeah, I know. I have a few. And this the hard thing is I’m launching like three things at once. Because I for some reason, can’t do one thing at a time, right? But so, I bet the webinar that I just did, and it’s called How to Start loving yourself without changing your body. You know, I’m really so tired of women thinking that they have to go get Botox or they have to go get liposuction or they have to go and get a boob job in order to feel beautiful. And you know, it was interesting, because one of my friends said to me, Kelly, you know, we went out for drinks and she said, I want it then like we talked about she said, I want what you’ve got. I’m like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. She goes, you have it. And I don’t even know what it is. So, I can’t tell you how to get what that yet. And she’s like, you have it. She said you walk in here you have this energy, that spirit about you. And you know, you are just gorgeous. And I like okay, I don’t know what you’re talking about. But let’s you know, think about it. So, I went home that night and I thought okay, what is it? And I realized that there were things I was doing to help me love myself without changing my body. And I figured out what it was and so it was really quite cool. And I thought okay, I’m going to write about this and, and I actually instead of writing about I did a webinar, and the webinar is you know how to love yourself without changing your body because I realized all the things, I was doing had nothing to do with me going in and getting my scars removed or covering them up with makeup because I hate makeup. I don’t even wear it. So yeah, so that’s my free gift. Because I want people to learn that, you know, I think there’s six five or six things I don’t remember what it is but you know, there’s the strategies are in there. The tools are in there to help you start loving yourself so that you know you can walk up to confidence and you can wear that bathing suit on the cruise ship, you know whatever it is you want to do. That’s great.
So, for everyone that’s listening, I want you to go to tenacious living.org forward slash Love Yourself series. And that’s where you’ll find Kelly’s free gifts and webinar, or the free gift of her free webinar. And when you upgrade, can you tell them what’s included in the upgrade package again, I love that.
Because, you know, I’m working on, you know, a bunch of stuff. And I realized, you know, ultimately, my, my passion in life is to help women to love their beauty that really what it boils down to, is what I want. And so, I decided, you know, what, I’m going to come up with a love yourself theories. So included in this series, is you’re going to get my no risk, no reward book, you’re going to get my self-esteem doesn’t come in a bottle book, you’ll also get the workbook that goes with it, you’ll also get the seven reasons why women don’t love themselves, you’ll get this webinar how to love yourself, then you’ll also get now this is a really cool thing. And I’m quite excited that you know, I’m doing that. This is my secret to self-love program. And this is a program that I did with my best friend Kelly Frazer. And in this program, we came up with a bunch of secrets on how you can start loving yourself. And there’s a whole video series. No, I think it’s, uh, yeah, tell us them. You know, there’s, anyways, audio, I think the audio series that we did, and it’s all about how you can start loving yourself and what the secrets are. And so that program alone is worth like, I think $500 or something like that. So, I’m going to throw that one in there also. And then the other thing I’m going to throw in there is that there’s some conversations with Kelly interview that I did. And what I did with that is I realized that, you know, a lot of times people are not achieving their goals in their life, because they’re being self-destructive. You know, maybe they’re being an over an eater, or maybe they’re bulimia, or anorexic or maybe there, you know, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or they’re sabotaging themselves in some way. Maybe they’re overachiever. And so, what I did with this is I interviewed high level people who were self-destructive, but I shifted into becoming very powerful people. So, you’re going to get, you’re going to get like, 30 of those also. So, there’s a whole, I really want women to learn how to love themselves. Because believe me, when you start loving yourself, the life that you can have been amazing. It really is. It’s just amazing when you can stop, you know, worrying about what everybody else is thinking of you.
Yeah, yeah. And really, those seven, those reasons would also apply to men. Right? So, this isn’t exclusive to just women, like they could take the could they could men benefit from your programs as well?
Absolutely. And that’s the thing. I mean, a lot of times I say, woman, but you know, really, men can benefit from it, too. You know, men are doing a lot of this stuff, too. And it’s, you know, it’s really interesting. One guy, I put on Facebook that I was doing the, you know, my book, seven reasons why women don’t love themselves. And he instantly put on there. Yeah, and I bet all seven reasons are because of men. And I was like, are you kidding me? I said, I’m not blaming men at all. I said, there’s absolutely no way you know, not one of those reasons, is blaming men. And he goes, well, I can’t wait to read it. Because I believe that’s what it’s going to be about. And I’m like, no, if not, and you know, and the thing is, men do the same, some of the same stuff. And that’s why, you know, they don’t love themselves also. So I really encourage it, even though it says, Woman, I know it’s going to be white for men also.
Excellent. I really wanted to, because it felt that men could benefit from your knowledge as well, while you help the gentleman over in Africa, too. So, you know, you’re not just about helping women. So, I’m really excited about that. So again, everyone, go to tenaciousliving.org forward slash Love Yourself series, you’ll find a link to Kelly’s free webinar, as well as the link to her upgrade package, amazing upgrade package that she does, that she just described. I’m so excited for everyone to learn more about you and figure out the secrets to self-love and Kelly, I just, I just want to give you a big hug, and I can feel it.